Looping for Understanding

If you’ve ever listened to a heated debate between people with diametrically opposite views, you can always see when the participants aren’t listening. They’re simply waiting to say their piece. This is called listening to talk.

They provide surface cues to signal they are really listening, an um there, and ahh there, but what they are actually looking for is a way to interrupt. What the other person is saying is immaterial to them. They have already formed their response.

This can be benign (the listener is excited) or it can be rude, and sometimes we do it without realising. Building a connection with someone and really grasping what they say can make all the difference.

When you want to really listen to someone, use a technique called looping for understanding.

One: Ask them a question and listen very carefully to their response. Two: Repeat back to them, in your own words, your understanding of their answer. Three: Ask them if your interpretation is correct.

This is the quickest way to build a shared understanding and is one of the key traits of great communicators.